Signs that You Might be a Trout Bum

Homeless trout bum fly fisherman needs rich woman to buy gear

You Might Be A Trout Bum If..

#1). You have spent more money on fly fishing gear this year than you payed for your car.

#2). Your idea of a blind date involves meeting a woman at a boat launch.

#3). The last food you ate was a 2 year old doughnut that you found in the back of your fly vest.

#4). Your idea of hand lotion is a bottle of fly floatant.

#5). You have ever slept inside of your drift boat using a shiny silver emergency survival blanket you bought from a gas station for 99 cents.

#6). You are a trout bum if you have stopped on the side of the road to cut feathers and fur off a road killed carcass.

#7). You have a picture of yourself holding a trout in your profile image on a dating website, because you couldn’t find a picture of yourself that didn’t have a fish in it.

#8). If you have random trout flies stuck inside every pocket in every piece of clothing you own. Perhaps you have even been hooked in your leg or butt at an awkward moment by one of those flies.

#9). You have spent over 6 hours driving to go fishing on a specific stream for 2 hours.

#10). You have stopped traffic on an interstate to check out the trout stream flowing on the side of the highway.

I am guilty of most of these trout bumfoonery problems. On more than one occasion I have found myself hooked by random flies in my pockets. One time I reached into my left pants pocket to get something in a grocery store and had to walk out with my hand still in my pocket to perform a de-hooking surgery in my car. Its was not a pretty sight, I had to lay in my backseat and take my pants off in the parking lot. Yet another time I sat down to eat at a restaurant and found a muddler streamer in my back pocket. I spent several minutes in a bathroom stall that time. It is hard to walk with a hook in your butt through your pants,  every painful step pulls on the fly. The people in the restaurant likely thought I had experienced a different type of accident.

I am also guilty of posting fishing pictures on dating websites. I can tell you from experience, you are not likely to get very many dates this way. Use photoshop to remove the fish from your picture for better luck 🙂

Watch this Recent Troutster Video!

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4 Comments

  1. Sandra

    May 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    That is very honest of you where you admit to posting trout photos on a dating website. Nice article, funny as heck!

    • Dub Paetz

      June 5, 2014 at 3:15 am

      Haha, thanks for stopping by, this was a fun article to write, I will be doing some more comedy stuff this next week, I have a few ideas. Take care

  2. Michael Flora

    November 3, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    LOL man that made my day, i’ve been guilty of hooks in my pockets as well as putting off sleep before work just to tie flies.

    • Michael Flora

      November 3, 2015 at 3:52 pm

      Even find my self selling random stuff in my house that I suddenly deem unworthy of keeping for extra gear money that I don’t need.

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